About two weeks ago was the last time I tried to sit down and write a blog and to finish the July Newsletter. I only had to write the featured blog and go through some final edits, which shouldn’t take me too long. But when I sat in front of my computer, trying to get myself into the right mindset, I just couldn’t do it.
The blog was going to be about “Sweet Sweet Summertime”, and a bunch of fun ideas on how to celebrate the summer months. It was cutesy and light-hearted, and I couldn’t even reread the whole thing. All I kept thinking is, this doesn’t feel right.
July was an insane month for me, and I was not thinking “oh sweet sweet summertime”. Now don’t get me wrong at times it was insanely good, then not good, then exciting, and overwhelming. Adulting hit me hard and tackled me to the floor and I just didn’t even care to figure out how to get out of my own way and get back up.
To paint a picture for you, the weekend of the fourth of July I got COVID. It wasn’t as bad as what you hear about in the news, but it wasn’t fun either. It was a bad cold, migraines, loss of taste and smell, and I was really tired. Then the weekend after I got COVID, I moved into my new house while I was sick with COVID. We couldn’t get as much help as we were hoping for because, COVID, and I exhausted myself even more by trying to get it all done that first weekend so I made myself sicker week 2 of COVID.
Then 2 weeks later, post COVID and move in, we decided it was a good idea to get a puppy. It was a good idea because he is the cutest ever and we love him so freaking much. But he is also a puppy, so he’s a lot… he’s a bit fresh at times, has peed on my new hardwood floors one too many times, and won’t listen when I say “Come Beau” but listens when everyone else says it…. I feel like this is a peek into my future with children.
Then on the way to bring Beau home, Dan’s car officially died on the side of the highway with no AC on a 90 degree sunny Saturday and a brand new puppy inside. That’s a whole other story, but needless to say, we had to get a new car.
Oh yeah, and I’m pregnant. So through all of that (COVID, new house, new dog, new car), I was battling with first-trimester exhaustion, food aversions, and nausea.
Then to kick start August, I lost power for 6 days. =] No water, internet, or power.
So when I say I couldn’t get out of my own way… I could NOT stop tripping over my own two feet.
That morning routine I always talk about, LOL, haven’t even attempted to do it since the end of June when the nausea kicked in.
The healthy lifestyle I am committed to, hasn’t exactly been as perfect as it usually is, since I had a food aversion to all vegetables. I think I had PBJ’s daily, way more pizza than I typically consume in a year, and more cookies than I care to admit.
My daily walks and workouts took a hard hit, and my motivation took an even harder hit.
I simply did not want to do anything. And I didn’t even try to. I felt sick, tired, and overwhelmed so I just soothed my soul with carbs, sweets, and Harry Potter movies. And I gotta be honest, it kind of worked.
My only goal of every day was to get through the day. I just needed to get to the end of the day, do the best I could and rest all night long. And I did. And like all things do, it passed.
The days passed, the nausea passed, COVID passed, the new home move-in came and went, Beau isn’t peeing in the house as much (which is a win for me). I finally was able to convince myself to wake up early a couple of days a week, meditate, journal, and blog. Which brings me to where I am today, coming out of the other end of the shit storm of July.
I learned a lot along the way, so I wanted to share it with you so it’s not just a blog about me talking about all the shit that happened to me in July.
- You are never really ready for anything, so just do it anyway. Dan and I were 100% not ready for all the big events that we decided to do within a 3-month time frame. We got pregnant, got a house, bought a dog, and our first real adult purchase of a car. I may be giving myself too much credit here, but I was not ready to move into a house, get ready for a baby and try to figure out how to train a puppy all at once. But we did it anyway, and we are figuring it out day by day. If I have learned anything from this shut-down it’s that you don’t know what tomorrow will bring and nothing is guaranteed. If you want to do something, just do it. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, because it’s not coming. You can plan all you want, but there is still never a guarantee things will happen the way you want, when you want. So just do a good ole, “fuck it” and try it anyways.
- Sometimes shutdown is the only thing that will get you through. I always try to push push push myself to do and be more. During July I was finally at the breaking point where I couldn’t fight back. I couldn’t push, I couldn’t try, I didn’t want to so I didn’t. And in the end, it was the best and only thing I could have done for myself to get to the other side. Sometimes if you don’t want to do something, it means you just shouldn’t be doing it right now. Everything has its time and place, and rest and a shut down sometimes is crucial to recharge so you can get back up and try again.
- There is always an “other side”. When I was in the thick of being pregnant, COVID, and moving into my new home, I was just trying to keep my head above water. I was telling myself every day, you just need to get through this day. Then we got the puppy, and I had to get a new car because Dan’s died, and I thought okay this is getting to be a bit much. Will this ever end? But it always does. Hard times and rough patches always come to an end, they don’t continue on forever. Just like there is always an end to a storm and a sunny day to follow, it’s the same with life. We will go through our shit-storm of months, not able to see when or how it will pass, but in time, it always does. There are always better days around the corner. So when you are facing your next rough patch, just remember that it too will pass.
Guys, that was a lot. I appreciate you bearing with me and letting me word-vomit the crazy month I had. But more than that, thanks for sticking with me through that absence. I took a bit of a heiatice but I am back and ready to serve.
If there are any new topics or questions you want me to answer please please send them my way!
Love you all so much.
-Em
