Those who know me well are aware of how much I try to fit into my schedule on a daily and weekly basis. I am very regimented and I wake up between 5 and 5:30AM so that I can get as many things done as I possibly can in a day. I hold myself up to really high standards for my health, work, and workout habits. I set myself really high goals and give myself very little wiggle room for error.
Sleeping in, naps, and resting, accepting help from others have never even been a consideration let alone a habit I have ever gotten into.
This, of course, was all before baby M came around and made his presence known. Once he came along and plopped into my belly, my whole world changed. Obviously, my physical and future world changed because I am growing a baby and in a few short months I will be a mother and will have a son. But the busy bee world that I had created for myself, the habits I had created, THAT changed entirely.
This demanding world I was so proud of and have worked so hard to build both physically and mentally was being challenged every single day. It felt like it was slowly being taken down, brick by brick, and it was upsetting and disappointing. It felt like I had to give up on my goals and what I had worked so hard for, for this new life that I also desperately wanted. It felt like I had to choose between my two dreams.
Over the past 6-7 months, I couldn’t physically keep up with my previous life schedule. I have been too sick, tired, or simply in too much pain to wake up early, set aside time for my goals, and do all my workouts. I was fighting against myself to get it all done when I just physically couldn’t. I have had to rely on my mom, sister, and husband to help me do some of the most basic things because I simply can’t.
There were times when I would ask myself, “how will I keep up with this once the baby is here? Is this all worth it?”. Things I have never thought or felt before in my life.
I have doubted myself. I have been forced to nap, rest, and accept help from others more than I ever have.
I pride myself on being the person that can “do it all”, The person that can help others without needing help in return. That’s the person I prided myself in being.
But what this baby has taught me, is that sometimes you simply can’t do it all, and that’s okay. The periods of rest are just as important as the periods of getting after it. There is no shame in asking for help. You don’t have to do it all. Just because your world is changing, doesn’t mean your dreams and goals have to change. Give yourself some grace and let them change with you.
Just because I can’t do it all today or right now doesn’t mean I can’t do it one day. Change is essential to surviving in this ever-evolving world.
In reality, my world has changed forever, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. So I am going to let go of the tight grip I have on life, and let it flow a little more fluidly, accept the help, practice the pause, and give myself a break. I think that’s what he wants me to know, so I am listening.