Terrified of commitment or that you’ll be alone forever? …You’re not the only one, my friend!
When it comes to commitment, I have a hard enough time deciding what I want to watch on Netflix, or what I want on top of my pizza–forget about decisions that actually matter!
Even when you are in a good relationship and really love the person, the idea of forever can be TERRIFYING.
For example, I knew from the moment I met my fiancé that he was the perfect person for me. Yet, the week before he proposed (I totally knew it was coming), I couldn’t eat, sleep or speak, I was so nervous.
On the flip side, BEFORE I met my fiancé I was terrified of HOW and WHEN I would meet someone. At that point I had graduated from college and wasn’t interested in anyone I had met so far and had no idea how I would meet anyone new. Would I become a ‘cat-lady’, alone forever? You see, meeting people post-college can get real weird. Sure, you can meet someone at work, on dating apps, or at bars, but what if you don’t like the options available or have tried them all and failed. Then what? Sit around and wait? It can get pretty discouraging. But don’t fret, there are ways to get over these fears and find your “right swipe”. 😉
Surprisingly, it all really comes down to YOU, and has very little to do with the other person:
- What kind of relationship do you have with yourself?
- Do you believe you are worthy of being loved?
- And are being opened minded enough to let love in?
I know, I know, this all sounds super corny, ‘foo foo’ self-love stuff. But, it’s true. Everything always starts with YOU.
THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF
There is the saying we all know: “you can’t truly love someone until you love yourself”. The saying means that your ultimate happiness depends on your own happiness with yourself. If you are unhappy with whom you are, regardless of the love all around you, you will be miserable.
So take a step back and have a good look at your life, and pay attention to all the great things about you, and the blessings that surround. There is an infinite amount. What are you being blinded by because of your own discontentment with yourself? The final goal here is unconditional self-acceptance.
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY OF BEING LOVED.
This belief also comes from how you view yourself. If you are constantly talking negatively about yourself, internally and/or externally, it will show. Without meaning to, we emulate what we think. If we think bad thoughts, it will show in the way we talk, dress, move, and the way we hold ourselves in front of others. On the other hand, if we think happy thoughts, it will shine through from every part of our being.
EXAMPLE: think about when a confident person walks into a room. They are standing tall, shoulders back, relaxed smile on their face, and they seem to have this light or glow around them. That’s their confidence literally radiating off of them… I’m certain you all know what I am talking about, as we have all fallen in love with this person many times: in movies, coffee shops, work settings… And how could we not? It’s true when they say confidence is the most attractive thing in a person.
So even if you don’t believe it, act like it, and tell yourself every day how wonderful you are. Because you are-every little thing about you is perfect!
BE MORE OPEN-MINDED AND NON-JUDGEMENTAL ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.
Again, this is a very hard thing to do unless you are happy and satisfied with the person you are.
Often people have this checklist of what they NEED to have in a perfect partner. They have to be super attractive, 6 feet tall, blue eyes, employed, funny, nice, a graduate from a top school… etc. … This approach/mindset really isn’t fair to you or whomever you’re sizing up. Remember, no one is perfect and neither are you. Imperfections are not necessarily a bad thing. And you may be closing yourself off to the greatness of the world around you, just walking around with blinders on.
One of my favorite relationship quotes is from the film ‘Goodwill Hunting’, when Robin Williams is talking about his wife, and to me, it really explains it all:
“It’s the little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That’s what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they’re not. Ah, that’s the good stuff.”
You’ll never find or experience those idiosyncrasies without really looking at everyone you meet for who they are and what they bring to the table- without judgment…Now, I am not saying that you will fall in love with every person you meet, but when you’re open-minded and less judgmental, you will have an infinite amount of experiences with really great “non-perfect” people. And who knows where that could lead!
At the end of the day it comes down to how much you like YOU, and not in a conceited cocky way, but in an accepting way. Unapologetically accepting your quirky, fun, crazy, driven, flawed, beautiful authentic self.
So go ahead, start with loving yourself and then love will surround you everywhere you go, and not just from your cats. 😉